Relationships.
A topic debating in my head that suddenly just popped up in the middle of the night just before I went to bed.
My memories went into an overtime mode by assessing all the relationships I’ve been through over the past year or so.
Lots of changes. Lots of heartaches. Lots of difficulties.
But all these changed the way I perceive my relationships.
To be seriously honest, I’ve not genuinely felt love for the girls I’ve been with recently. They were mostly physical attractions or mere flings. None of it was deep, passionate feelings. And I wonder why and how it will affect my relationships in the future.
After one event that happened before, I’ve sort of shun away from the words “I love you”. Even if a girl says it first to me, I’m reluctant to say it back. Not that I want to be a player, but I don’t like misleading people. I won’t say it unless I mean it.
So when I was thinking of a friend’s friend which I’ve met the other day, I’ve thought of asking her out.
And then the supreme court in my head went in-session. And debated about the rationale of that thought.
Yes, it was a wonderful thought to ask that girl out because we got really close in a club. I know what most of you are thinking, but both of us were completely sober that night. No alcohol influence involved.
But the supreme court was smart. It asked “What next?”. And that completely left me clueless.
Therefore, I question myself whether if I’ll ever really fall in love again. Getting in a relationship isn’t the hard part. It’s keeping the feelings between both people that’s the hardest.
Without that feeling, I’d just be hopping from one girl to another every few months. It leaves my thoughts to wander around, constantly seeking other girls and whatnot.
I may have someone accompanying me physically, but not sharing that special spot inside. That’s why sometimes I just resort to staying single. If a relationship comes around, I don’t mind. But most of the time I don’t go chasing.
Reduces one purpose of being a single guy.
Bummer.
